OMFG » Entertaining

Hostess Tip: Give Your Guests “Rules” a la Marilyn Monroe

Cara — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 14:05:04 +0000

A few weeks back I wrote a article to help you freshen up on your guest etiquette. Unfortunately this is not a perfect world we live in, and not every one of your potential guests is going to get a chance to read it before they descend for the weekend. So sometimes, as a host, you have to take things into your own hands and give your guests a little nudge.

A few years back (okay, maybe ten), I was at Christie’s, the English auction house, for the Marilyn Monroe auction. They had the most intimate collection of off-beat memorabilia; one of which caught my eye and came to mind whilst thinking about this article: Marilyn would very often host parties at her home in Hollywood and she actually came up with a list of Guest Rules (rules for her guests to follow!). I was so tickled by them I scribbled them down on the back of the auction program and now I can share them with you:

If you must indulge in gardening—use your own garden.
Show appreciation to your hostess.
No gossip please (“Why, she is at least 40!”).
It is quite proper to bring a present.
Please do not steal our cook.
Ashtrays means for ashes.
Even our whiskey supply has it limitations.

As hostesses, we can follow Marilyn’s lead by laying down some ground rules or parameters; this not only helps guests, but helps you as a hostess.

There are many factors here: If the guest is your best friend from kindergarten I think you both have a good handle on each others habits. However, if Aunt Joan who you only see once a year is visiting or your boyfriend invites his boss and his wife for the weekend, this is a entirely different story. But regardless of the guest, have fun with your guest rules. If they seem cheeky and are presented with a sense of humor they won’t offend, but will still maintain their effect.

Now you can sit back, relax, and enjoy having guests that are well behaved… to your specifications!

Top photo by Dare Darlington’s on Flickr.

Side Dishes For The Perfect Picnic

Cody — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 13:46:09 +0000

With 4th of July barbeque invitations rolling in, wouldn’t it be great to have some really great sides you can bring to take a load off your hosts as well as earn yourself some accolades? Never fear, OMFGstyle.com is here with three guaranteed crowd pleasers for your picnic this weekend or dinner table anytime this summer.

Fresh Corn Salad
This is a recipe I copied down from one of my mom’s cookbooks or magazines at one time or another and have tweaked to perfection over the years. Although shucking and cutting the kernels off the cob make this a bit of a messy one, the results are worth the extra clean-up.

In a bowl, mix:

6 ears of corn: boil in salted water for seven minutes, then cut the kernels of corn off of the cob
1 pint of grape tomatoes: halfed
1/3 a cup of basil leaves: thinly sliced

In a food processor or blender, puree:

1 small shallot: minced
2 T balsamic vinegar
2 T hot water
1 t dijon mustard
3 T vegetable or canola oil

Toss the corn, tomato, and basil mixture with the dressing and season with salt and freshly ground pepper to taste. This can be made the night before, but if you’re making it in advance, wait to add the basil until your within an hour of serving.

Pesto Potato Salad
Potato salad is a BBQ regular, but it’s never very good. And why get paranoid about the mayo going bad or the dish not going over with a health-conscious crowd? This potato salad is not only yummy, its bright colors and the fact that it’s vegan make it appealing to the eye and the waistline.

In a bowl, pile:

Several different types of potatoes (red, purple, yellow): boiled in salted water until fork-tender, then drained and bathed in cold water to stop the cooking
Bell peppers (red, yellow, and/or orange): diced
Sweet onion: minced
A mixture of a couple of handfuls of basil, 2-3 cloves garlic, and a drizzle of olive oil: pureed
Pine nuts: toasted
2 T Vegan mayo
Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste

Stir everything together and keep cool. Keeps for up to a week in the fridge, but is most visually appealing in the first 48 hours.

Grandma’s Tomato Salad
Light, refreshing, and packed full of flavor, this is a favorite at our place, and often as a main course! It’s based on my Italian grandmother’s tomato salad that she always made for me as a child.

In a bowl, mix:

Several (6-8) ripe tomatoes: diced
1/3 a baguette: diced into bite-sized chunks
2 cloves of garlic: minced
1/3 a cup of basil leaves: thinly sliced
2-4 T high quality balsamic vinegar
2-4 T olive oil
1-2 shakes of a vegan Worchestire sauce (such as Annie’s Organics)
Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste

Adding more isn’t necessary, but it can only make it better:

Kalamata olives: diced
Smoked tofu: diced
Tofurkey Italian sausage: sliced and browned
Red onion: diced

This one is best served within a few hours of preparation. I recommend adding the bread about 20 minutes before serving.

Top image by Patrick Q on Flickr.

How To Host A Baby Shower

Vanessa — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 15:46:31 +0000

I think a lot of us can agree that most showers (baby or bridal) can be pretty tedious. They are generally centered on humiliating activities and opening presents and for all you are put through, there aren’t enough tasty snacks and bubbly to make it bearable. Particularly if you aren’t married and don’t have children. Maybe these things get easier once you’ve been initiated. Lord knows the people having the best time are the seventy-year-olds at the far table. Like many traditions, I tell myself that we late 20-30 somethings are of another era and maybe we’ve outgrown things like this. But according to my research of baby showers, Normal America is alive and well – the one where people still make things like ‘diaper cakes’. So, I guess I am just part of the sullen gaggle of girls who would rather drink champagne in honor of our pregnant friend (which is all she wants us to do – she hasn’t had it in months!) in lieu of passing around a diaper filled with melted chocolate (I’m not making this stuff up!). For those of you who would rather be at a party that’s fun for everyone (especially the mom-to-be!), take things into your own hands and host it yourself! My friend and I are co-hosting a baby shower for our best girlfriend so here’s what I have learned thus far:

1. Set the Date:

Showers are typically thrown within the last two months of pregnancy but some people prefer to wait until after the baby is born so they can be shown off as well! As for how long the party should last, you don’t want to exhaust the mom-to-be so plan for about three hours maximum. You could host a mid-day brunch or an early afternoon party which would allow enough time for people to arrive, celebrate and eat without your guest of honor needing a nap!

2. The Guestlist:

Next on the list, who’s attending? Like I mentioned, I’m a young woman of the future so I say we shake things up and make this a boy-girl party! What?! Yes, you heard me. It’s likely the dad-to-be is pretty pumped about having a baby and maybe these almost-parents want to celebrate together! Once you loose the awful activities, boys will be a lot more willing to come along. Plus, the mom-to-be that I am honoring has just as many male friends as female so it makes sense to invite them too! I completely understand (and am prepared to exploit) the fact that the future mother is doing all the hard work, but I love my friend’s husband and he absolutely deserves to share the honor of celebrating their future baby friend!

Sit down with the guest of honor and see if she wants this to be an intimate gathering of only her family and closest friends or if she wants a friend only affair or perhaps to incorporate co-workers as well. If she would like to make this a friends and family party, you may want to ask for a family member to team up with (moms and sisters are ideal!). This will make it a lot easier to host as she will know half the guests and will take off some of the burden of pulling the whole party off alone.

3. Theme:

You can go the usual route of a heavily blue ‘It’s a boy!’ theme but there are so many other choices! Get inspired by a favorite nursery rhyme or children’s book. Try Mother Goose or Hans Christian Anderson for some beautiful classics. Should you choose to not have a theme, avoid pastels and keep things bright and fresh. Flowers and a colorful table setting is enough – people will be a lot more focused on the mom-to-be so don’t go crazy on decorations!

4. Menu:

Try and keep your food prep to a minimum beforehand. Most of the food should be fine to serve at room temperature and finger foods are best! Consider things like fruit salad or green salad, homemade pizza, tea sandwiches and light cookies. Also, there is no shame in a potluck! If you choose to go potluck, let people know what part of the menu they should contribute, whether it be a savory side or sweet. Try not to make things too spicy, rich or heavy in sugar – these are all things mama and baby are staying away from! As far as alcoholic beverages, be sure to provide a delicious non-alcoholic fruit seltzer spritzer for mom but a sparkling wine cocktail is great for the rest of the party-goers.

5. Registry:

As presents are a major part of any shower, you will want to have a registry included in your invitation. We used MyRegistry.com which compiles multiple registries on one easy site, giving the parents to be a lot more choices! They can list their dream crib, eco-diapers and cute wall-art all on the same registry.

6. Gift Giving:

You will have the registry to go off of but it’s always nice to have a personal touch! Your own favorite children’s books are always sure to please. To make it even more special, record yourself reading it onto a tape or cd and include it with the book. If you’re crafty you can try your hand at a simple baby blanket or sewn blocks. Over at Martha (of course), there is a nice selection of handmade gift ideas.

7. Activities:

I am all for fun and games but I have yet to come across a baby shower game that was all that fun. One tip I read was to have each guest think of a name for the baby and put it in a jar for the parents to consider. Of course, this could be funny if you include silly names along with the lovely ones. Besides that, I really think the shower is a great excuse to have good friends together to eat, drink, be merry and celebrate the arrival of a new baby friend! You don’t need much more than that for a good time! Though – if you are into things that are so bad, they’re good, you may enjoy these: What’s in the Baby’s Diaper , Baby Bottle Drink Off , Feed the Baby, or My Water Broke . Oh, and there are so many more.

Editor’s Note: If you have a lot of creative friends and want to knock out the theme and gifts in one fell swoop, throw a onsie painting party! Supply tons of fabric paints and markers, white cotton onsies in several sizes, stencils, and other baby-safe fabric supplies and have all the guests join in on making little outfits for baby boy or baby girl!

Pimped Out Picnic

Cara — Thu, 06 May 2010 12:50:55 +0000

Spring is in ze air at last… And we are in love with nature and all that it offers!

Why not take the opportunity to host a pimped out picnic with a bunch of friends this weekend?!

The art of picnicking is (not surprisingly) a European tradition, one that dates back to Medieval times in 14th century England. However, the actual word origin is attributed to our French Friends (bien sûr). The verb “piquer” which means pic or peck. The first usage of the word was traced to a 16th century French text describing a group of people dining in a bistro who brought their own wine. In the beautiful weather the bistro was replaced by a field in the countryside or a park in the city and in addition to wine one would bring a dish to share; hence the origin of the word “potluck”.

A picnic can be as simple as sticking a sandwich and a bottle of wine in your knapsack with a blanket… As long as you are out in nature—you’re picnicking!

However, here at OMFG we have a love for the elaborate and creative…. So PIMP out that picnic.

Replace the traditional blanket with a rug you found at a yard sale!
Stick your baguette bread in a ornate planter.
Do you dare to set up a firepit?

To pimp out your picnic one must plan and be creative. Must Haves:

Blanket (or a antique rug!)
Picnic Basket or tote
Food (sandwiches or prepared foods from your fav grocer)
Beverages (Wine/beer, or Lemonade, Ice Tea)
Corkscrew/bottle opener for the beverages
PLASTIC cups and plates. (love the idea of fine china but don’t like the idea of broken china and trip to ER; use discretion!)
Music (optional but a nice Chopin in the background or vampire weekend adds a nice dimension)
Sunscreen (a MUST!)
Bug Spray (ditto above)
A book, frisbee, wiffle ball (for added entertainment)
Plastic bags/ garbage bags

So pull together a fun email and invite your friends to join you al fresco and challenge them in getting creative and pimp out that picnic!

Image info: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sheepbackcabin/ / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

To The Left. Coast.

Laura — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 13:00:32 +0000

For the safety of myself and the people around me, I need to get the fuck on outta here for a minute. I’ve never fought anyone in my life, but I’m pretty sure I’m a good week away from murdering your face if I don’t get some sun and fun up in my life, for serious.

So, I will be venturing to LA by my lonesome later this month to visit a friend and, hopefully, to reconnect with others I’ve lost along the way. I’ve only ever been to LA for work and spent the bulk of my time on location in Pasadena, chomping craft services and trying to look important. I wasn’t. But this time, I am. I’m the most important girl in the fucking world and I travel alone.

Anyway, in the spirit of adventure, I compiled a small soundtrack of my upcoming journey for your listening pleasure. The inspiration? Well, you know when you come out of the subway on a sunny day and you’ve got someplace to go and you’re amidst a million people, movin’ and a shakin’ in the big city, and you look up at the sky and start smiling and outstretch your arms and spin around in circles and everyone around you breaks into choreographed dance and the whole world hears your headphones and you’re the happiest you’ve been in a long time for no real reason other than being alive on this beautiful day with the best song you’ve ever heard in your life blasting your brain into a million sparkling pieces? That.

Let’s go on a little trip, shall we?

1. Little Garcon – Born Ruffians: This song soothes my soul when I’m descending for landing and convinced I have no more than ten minutes to live….’cause I don’t care just where you go, as long as it’s with me, ya know?

2. Relator – Pete Yorn & Stupid Scarlett Johansson: What? She is. Anyway, I’m pretty sure this song is perfect for picking up your luggage and looking around a crowded claim for a familiar face. And amidst the chaos, you see it, and (s)he’s waving at you from across the room and you laugh to yourself and run over and have one of those hugs you see in movies that lasts for, like, days. Also, skipping. This song is good for skipping. In the sun.

3. 1901 – Phoenix: Now you’re in the car and you’re off to somewhere great because, frankly, it’s just somewhere different then where you’ve been. Also, wind through your hair. This song is good for wind through your hair.

4. Heartbeats – The Knife: You rented a shiny beach cruiser in Santa Monica and you’re riding it along Venice Beach to the Canals and you let go of the handlebars and wobble and almost crash into a garbage can and turn to your friends and laugh and grab a beer out of your basket and crack it while you peddle cause it’s hot and you’re thirsty.

5. True Affection – The Blow: Your friend needs to become scuba certified for a production gig he’s got coming up so you go along, cause why the hell wouldn’t you? You’re floating around weightless and then a blow fish smiles at you because you’re probably high.

6. Time to Pretend – MGMT: A montage. Definitely a montage. You’re being shown around town, exploring corners and peeking under rocks. Speeding cars, loud bars, and bright lights. It’s fucking LA. You’re tan and your legs suddenly look great in shorts and life isn’t so bad after all.

7. Shake a Fist – Hot Chip: You’re drunk on alcohol and bliss, dancing in a bar you might never step foot in again so who cares? A spotlight shines down on you and you alone in the middle of a crowded floor and everyone around you gets swallowed by the shadows and it all blurs and you’re moving in slow motion with your eyes closed and there’s a strobe light and you’re sweating.

8. Sleepyhead – Passion Pit: Shit’s getting weird. It’s fucking late and you’re either in the passenger seat of a moving car, street lamps flooding the interior every couple of seconds. Or you’re in a living room, not ready to go to bed…dancing in the living room with your eyes closed, bumping into the coffee table and being sloppy, but charming. Totally adorable and charming.

9. Red and Purple – The Dodos: You’re hiking up a trail to a spot that overlooks the city and you’re completely exhausted but you try to act in shape cause it’s LA and people work out, right? But then you get to the top and it’s pretty awesome and you pat yourself on the back cause it’s beautiful and thank god you decided to get off the couch.

10. Red, Yellow, & Blue – Born Ruffians: You’re up in the air heading home and you might be terrified of falling from the sky, but right now, even that seems ok because you just had a fucking trip.

Hey, so, that was fun, guys! Let’s do it again soon sometime.

Bottoms Up: The Brooklyn Martini and The Brooklyn Punch

Cody — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 10:53:14 +0000

As you may have noticed, I am primarily a bourbon and whiskey drinker. The Brooklyn, one of my all-time favorite bourbon cocktails, is a fine warm-weather treat, but due to the magical warming properties of whiskey, fits the bill perfectly year-round.

Recently challenged to make The Brooklyn, a somewhat labor-intensive cocktail served straight up in a martini glass, for a large, self-service party on a budget, I invented a new variation, The Brooklyn Punch.

Both drinks have gone over swimmingly with guests, friends, and the like, and I invite you to try them out yourselves this winter or when the weather’s hot.

The Brooklyn

2.5 oz. Maker’s Mark bourbon
1 oz. sweet vermouth (preferably the italian Punt e Mes, but Martini and Rossi is fine too)
Juice of ½ a lemon (about 0.5 oz.)
A little dash of simple syrup
Shake and serve straight up in a martini glass

The Brooklyn Punch

Two 1-liter bottles of Jack Daniel’s whiskey
2/3 of a liter of sweet vermouth
1 gallon of fresh lemonade (fresh-squeezed lemon, simple syrup, and water to taste)
Add to 2-gallon punch bowl or beverage dispenser with ice and lemon slices

Cheers!

Telling A Joke… No, Seriously.

Al — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 14:13:29 +0000

There are a lot of theories as to why people find things funny. According to an anonymous Austro-Indonesian Pastor’s wife on the venerated site www.answerbag.com, humor or “humour” as she cleverly refers to it is “subjective”. While that may be true in Indonesia, and she might actually be a pastor’s wife (show me the ring), the fact of the matter is that in most cases humor is not subjective. The reason it’s not is that most people segregate themselves into groups of friends and acquaintances that generally come from similar backgrounds or have similar tastes. Friends are friends because they can, in some way, relate to each other and unless you’re the next Dane Cook (irony alert!) this tiny sampling of the population is going to be your audience 99% percent of the time. I got that number from answerbag, in case you were wondering.

Friends and like minded people will find the same things funny so my basic point is that if you tell a joke and only you think it’s funny, then the joke isn’t funny. It’s not that your friends can’t recognize your genius, it’s that your zinger about the kind of poops that old people take when they die just isn’t the comedy gold you thought it was. If anyone reading this steals that joke I will kill you.

So how do you tell a joke? I honestly don’t know. I’d like to say something deep about bearing your soul and exposing injustice but I won’t. I would define a joke as anything that anyone finds amusing and relatable. Even though most jokes that people tell are unconscious and instantaneous and you can’t really learn to be funny there are things you can do if you want to tell a joke:

Say something unexpected

Tricking someone into thinking you are going to say one thing and then saying the other is a common joke form. For example if you were to say:

Whenever I’m not feeling creative and need inspiration, I look into the eyes of a child…and realize how stupid they are.

That is funny, well not really, but you get the idea. You were expecting something cheesy about the unspoiled innocence of children and their incredible imaginations but instead: whammy!

Make Fun of Yourself

Another classic way to make people laugh is to apply your completely natural self-loathing to craft a hilarious knee slapper at your own expense. If you are someone who is sad inside, this behavior gives off the illusion of confidence and self-assuredness because people mistakenly believe that only the well-adjusted are secure enough in who they are to take the piss out of themselves. Unfortunately for sad clowns everywhere, this is not the case. The key here is to make fun of yourself playfully, and not depressingly. Here’s an example of something I wouldn’t advise you say:

I’m terrible at soccer…sometimes I want to kill myself.

Actually, now that I’m reading that I realize how it is actually hilarious and that if someone said that to me I would probably lick their face out of admiration. So I correct myself, if you want to be the life of the party just walk around tellling everyone that you’re thinking of killing yourself.

Be A Human Being

Nothing is worse than a sociopath. Tell jokes that show that you aren’t some souless monster that feeds off of orphan tears. With your new joke telling abilities you will be able to easily dominate the minds of those around you. Avoid this urge. With great jokes comes even greater responsibility not to convince the masses that you are some sort of all-knowing, all-seeing demi-god, so don’t do that shit.

So this is where your training ends and your new life begins. So in that vein, go west, be free, and tell that joke about your hatred of immigrants that you’ve always wanted to tell! Because if you don’t, then who will? A lot of horrible racists probably, but you get the idea.

What Does It Cost To Throw A “Grown Up” Party?

Cody — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 14:08:44 +0000

So, as you may have read in previous posts, my beau and I just celebrated our ten year milestone anniversary. Since we never had the traditional wedding, we wanted to do something significant so we could finally celebrate this relationship with our friends and family. Initially, we looked into having a party in an event space, but simply couldn’t imagine spending so much money for an open bar and some passed hors d’oeuvres.

For that kind of money, we joked, we could go on vacation and still throw a party at our place.

Well, that was the lightbulb moment. So that’s what we did (and Mexico as awesome and totally romantic and gave me a totally flattering tan for the party the following weekend).

Since this anniversary party was the first time we were having so many people over (the final tally, I believe, was 37), and the first time we would be hosting much of the beau’s family, we wanted to do our house party right. “Grown up” style. And since we met on an airplane, we added some cheeky airplane references to our party plan that you can adapt to your own theme.

Now I want to share the cost break-down with you so you can be prepared for you next (or first) “grown up” home soiree:

Custom postcard invitations: $35, including shipping (we had extras, which we turned into banners that doubled as decor)
Stamps: $44
Balsa wood airplanes as party favors, $30.50
Custom stamp to personalize favors and napkins, $35
Napkins (white cocktail), $7
Glasses, free (borrowed from a friend and store owner who throws a lot of parties)
Champagne bucket by Pottery Barn, found at this cheaper price on eBay, $79, including shipping
Beverage dispenser by Pottery Barn, found at this cheaper price on eBay, $60, including shipping
Liquor (4 bottles Cava, 4 bottles white, 4 bottles red, 2 bottles Jack Daniel’s, 1 bottle sweet vermouth, 1 bottle vodka, 8 six-packs of beer), $252
Non-Alcoholic Bev. Options and mixers (lemonade, apple cider, tonic, natural mandarin sodas), $25
3 bags of ice, $5.25
Snacks (50 vegan empanadas, 100 airplane pretzels and peanut packets, 4 dozen vegan chocolate chunk cookies), $170
Custom postcard thank you cards: $35, including shipping
House cleaning before-hand, $80

Total: $857.75
Full disclosure: I asked my family to buy the wine and beer in MA where it’s cheaper to save some money, but they wouldn’t let us pay them back, also, my BFF baked the cookies for us, so not all of this total actually came out of our pockets.

At the end of the day, we spent more money than we anticipated, but it was absolutely well worth it. Not only did we have a fantastic time hosting our friends and family, making memories to last for the next ten years, at the end of the night, we weren’t left empty-handed. Not only did we receive lots of fantastic gifts and checks, so many people brought wine that we were left with an entirely new half case. There were left-over empanadas, so we’re set for snacks and dinners for a while. Since the house was cleaned before the party, the next morning all we had to do was run the dishwasher several times and wipe down surfaces (it was a civilized, clean, “grown up” party, remember?). Also, now that we have the champagne bucket and the beverage dispenser, we’ll be set for sun-tea and future parties featuring cold drinks.

Over $850?, You’re thinking, Count me out! Don’t let this huge number discourage you—there are ways to cut costs:

Send an evite and e-thank yous. Though not as personal or as “grown up” as something sent in the mail, definitely more cost-effective.
Skip the party favors. However, if you’re asking for gifts, it’s nice to offer something to your guests on the way out. If we had wanted to cut costs more, we could have done paper airplanes with sweet/funny messages written on the inside… Be creative!
Store the wine and beer in the fridge or the bathtub. Again, not as “grown up,” but if you don’t have the ice bucket(s) and don’t want to buy any, it’s an easy fix… Just make sure wherever you’re keeping it is clean!
Clean your own house. I don’t know about you, but with a party coming up and a full work-week, the last thing I want to do is clean. Actually, even with nothing to do, the last thing I want to do is clean. And besides, I can’t do the work of a professional. BUT, it’s an expense you can avoid if you’re willing to do it yourself.
Make it a pot-luck and ask everyone to bring food and/or liquor. A great way to cut down on costs, but not a good idea if you’re expecting gifts… You don’t want to ask too much of your guests.

Looking for party ideas? Drink recipes? Stay tuned or write to me at cody@omfgstyle.com.

balsa wood airplanes stamped with our custom stamp were favors for our guests

extra invites strung on twine doubled as party decor

Fake It to Make It

Laura — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 14:00:56 +0000

No, not love-making related faking. I know you might have thought that since The Holiday is upon us. But yeah no, I’m not really going to write anything about that. Not in, like, a bitter way or anything. It’s just that I’m single and have no creative ideas to suggest, so go have dinner and some sex and shut up.

Instead, I’m going to write about something that currently matters in my life.

Bartending.

So I got a job on Friday at this bar in Jersey City as a bartender, and well, long story short… I lied and have no idea what I’m doing. I mean, I poured a few pints as a waitress at a college bar 5 years ago when the bartender was busy changing a keg in the basement, but really I have no business being behind a bar.

So what happens? Well, they put me behind the bar! On a Saturday! And I didn’t burn it down! I survived. And I’ll tell you how you can survive if you too find yourself in need of any sort of gig but you’re scared you can’t do it cause you’ve never done it. You can! And here’s how via The C.O.S.M.O. System:

1. Cram: Dude, study! I mean, channel your inner 16 year old and fucking flash card that shit up for a few hours before you’re to go in. In this case, focus on the basics… the things you might have ordered back in the day when you thought drinking was special. Margaritas, Manhattans, Kamikazes, Buttery Nipples, Lemon Drops, Martinis (dirty, cosmo, apple, pomegranate, chocolate, etc.), Bay Breezes, Sex on the Beaches, Washinton Apples…

In all likelihood, you’re going to be opening beers and making vodka clubs, but you should at least have a few frilly shits in your brain bank in case some douchebag tries to get fancy.

2. Observe: Watch someone else doing what you’re about to do. Get there early, analyze the shit out of stuff. Watch how they pour and how much, scan the shelves and familiarize yourself with where everything is. What can really slow down a rookie bartender is not knowing where the liquor is shelved. Photographic memory that shit.

3. Smile! Stay positive. Do not panic. People are usually pretty understanding. Say you’re new. It’s your first night. “Bare with me!” and they do! Chat about stuff you do know. Recommend a delicious beer or cocktail that you enjoy… and know how to make. Joke, make fun of yourself, and remember, the set-up itself is symbolic. You stand between them and their poison. They need you. They’ll wait for you.

4. Maintain Appearences! Yourself and your surroundings. You’ve been to a bar. You’ve seen bartenders. Now, look like one. It’s common sense. Ask people if they need anything, wash some glasses, wipe stuff down, go the computer and dick around for a few minutes. Just don’t stand there, chin quivering, looking lost.

5. Own it. By now you should be feeling sorta okay. You’re beyond faking… you’re becoming. You’re getting better at something you’ve never done. Go home and lie in bed and laugh, cause you’re fucking brilliant and capable of anything. Even Au Capoeira, you lazy piece of shit, go take the class! (That was to me, not you.)

So there you have it. Hopefully this guide will help you through many an unknown experience. New jobs, sexy-time stuff you’ve never tried, karaoke? Be confident, baby. Haters, to the left.

POP! Champagne Cocktails for New Year’s Eve

Cody — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 17:04:38 +0000

New Year’s Eve just isn’t New Year’s Eve without that *POP* of the cork. All year ’round, whenever I crack open a bottle of bubbly, I say (usually to myself) “Happy New Year!”

For some, though, drinking champagne all night long could be a dangerous and/or costly proposition. By mixing things up a bit and offering your guests a champagne cocktail, you’re sure to impress, as well as ensure the bubbly lasts till midnight!

Everyone knows that champagne has to be from the Champagne region of France, but don’t limit yourself to just champagne—there are lots of great bubbly, affordable alternatives out there. It’s just that “champagne cocktails” sounds better than “sparkling wine cocktails,” you see.

One of my favorite sparkling wines for a budget is Segura Viudas Brut Reserva Cava, which can generally be found for under $10 a bottle. Prosecco is generally affordable as well and a good selection can be found at most wine and liquor stores.

For the purposes of the recipes below, I’ll just refer to sparkling wine as “bubbly.” For each recipe, serve up in a champagne flute:

The Codita
½ oz. Strawberry vodka
½ oz. Pineapple juice
Top with bubbly
Garnish with a strawberry

St-Germain and Bubbly
½ oz. St-Germain
Fill rest of glass with bubbly
Garnish with a slice of pear or apple

Clementine Mimosa
½ oz. Fresh-squeezed clementine juice
Fill rest of glass with bubbly

Make Your Own Mimosa
½ oz. of your favorite fruit juice puree (pear, apricot, passion fruit…)
Fill rest of glass with bubbly

Bellini
½ oz. Good-quality peach juice
Fill rest of glass with bubbly

Kir Royal
½ oz. Crème de cassis
Fill rest of glass with bubbly

Cheers! Happy New Year!