A couple of months ago, I had to renew my passport. On the form they ask for hair color. Without hesitation, I checked the box for blonde.
When I was 15 or 16, my mother, a hair stylist, had some extra color left over from a family friend whose highlights she had just finished and on what I’m sure was a whim, asked if I’d like her to put a few foils in my hair. I nodded enthusiastically and the rest is history. Or, rather, hairstory.
Except for a year and a half between spring semester senior year in high school and freshman year in college when I reverted not quite to my natural chestnut, but more of an almost-black espresso, I’ve had blonde hair. It’s been pixied, it’s been shagged. It’s been long, it’s been bobbed. It’s had bangs, it’s had layers. And it’s been bleached within an inch of its life.
What does it take to maintain bleached blonde hair? A lot of work and a lot of money. Here’s how it breaks down:
- My hair grows faster than average, so I need to have my regrowth (fancy word for roots) touched up every 6 weeks. At $140 to $220 a pop, that’s about $1500 a year. Luckily my mom’s still a hair stylist, so when I can make it up to Massachusetts for a touch up, that saves me a bit of dough.
- Bleached hair is damaged hair, so is much more susceptible to split, damaged ends. Which means it needs to be trimmed much more often than healthy hair. Add another $700 to the blonde bill.
- Wet hair is weaker hair, so I have to limit the number of times a week I wash my hair to avoid damage. When I do wash it, it requires ultra-rich, ultra-moisturizing shampoo and conditioner that I comb through and leave in for five minutes. After the shower, I am careful not to rub my hair for fear of damaging the cuticles and I put it up to dry in an ultra-absorbent turban for accelerated drying.
- And it better help the drying, because god forbid I have to spend too much time blow drying it, as that’s no good for damaged hair either.
- In addition to the special shampoo and conditioner I use, once a week I deep condition.
- After my shower, once the turban comes off, I use a wide-toothed comb to get out all the tangles, then apply an ultra-nourishing leave-in conditioner and then an anti-frizz, moisturizing oil to the ends to smooth it out as it dries.
- When out in the sun, I wear a hat to avoid the sun further bleaching my hair and damaging the color. When I go swimming in the ocean or pool, I have to first drench my hair with fresh water and comb through conditioner before submerging to ensure that my hair soaks that up rather than the damaging chlorinated or salty water.
Like I said, it’s a lot of work. So why do I do it? Why not just go brunette and save myself time, energy, money, and a whole lot of trouble? I know it sounds idiotic, but I’m not a brunette—it’s just not me. I’m a blonde. Just check my passport.
