YOU BEEN PRANKED SUCKA!
In the English language, the word prank has roots dating back to 1529 because even back then there were douche-bags that drew genitalia on your face with permanent marker. It is people like this that have given the prank a negative image.
But why is playing mean tricks on people seen as elitist? Probably because the 80s movies that raised us always had a stock “rich dick” character that pulled a mean prank on the hapless protagonist. Remember in Karate kid when Cobra Kai Johnny Lawrence almost beat Daniel LaRusso to death? YOU BEEN PRANKED SUCKA!
Well, not to worry because it’s no longer only Halliburton employees and members of Skull and Bones that get to homo-erotically trick each other. Nowadays everyone regardless of gender or income level can mercilessly taunt the weak.
There are lots of good pranks. A good one is to tell your best friend that their child is dead. The key to this one is commitment. If you break out laughing right after you tell them you saw their son brutally murdered, they won’t believe you. Joke’s on them! The only person that’s dead here is you – from laughter! Work on your deadpan, no matter how hilarious the premise! I suggest taking an acting class to help you deliver your lines without cracking up. Believe me when I say that all your hard work will be worth it when you see that priceless expression of horror and sadness on your friend’s faces! LOL!
Another good prank is to act like you really like someone and go on many dates with them. After a year or so of constant dating and pretending you like them, take the prank to the next level and get married. If you want to really blow it out, have a child with this person. Here comes the fun part! Tell them that the whole relationship was an elaborate sham and that you like them about as much as that lamp you saw at Crate and Barrel the other day. Zoinks! This one has worked for me a couple times!
In the end, a prank is only as good as your willingness to destroy the lives of the people you care about. So if you care about someone this April Fool’s Day, show them how much by shooting their dog or burning their house down. Their emotional devastation and material losses may be temporary, but the memories will last forever.
Comments on this entry are closed.