Upon arriving home from California, I got drenched in a downpour with my luggage and punched in the face with a nasty head cold, so yeah, this place blows. But for the sake of this article, let’s pretend that better weather and happier times are upon us, okay? Cue the outdoor activities!
I think that hiking is gonna be my new thing, you guys. This may come as a surprise to those of who know about my last hiking experience in which I whined like a little bitch ’cause my friend got us lost and it was legitimately getting dark and we were wandering the bear-riddled woods of northern Jersey in the winter and I was convinced that every snapping twig was, in fact, a blood-thirsty grizzly barreling down the hill towards my jugular, and I was definitely 100% going to die out there, ripped to pieces in a pile of blood-soaked leaves, but seriously, this time was totally different!
I went on the greatest hike at Griffith Park in LA and for the first time in months I was like, “Working out is fun!” I liked being out of breath and feeling my muscles work and not being in a gym surrounded by douchebags who drink water out recycled gallons of milk. I got a little tan, saw some lizards, and even the rattle snake warning didn’t phase me! I pictured myself catching that fucker by the throat and slamming it against a tree if it tried to fuck with me.
So assuming that it won’t rain everyday for the next four months like last year, I researched some NYC hiking opportunities in hopes of dragging some friends into the great outdoors this summer to burn some cals fighting off mountain lions and generally running for our lives.
Appalachian Mountain Club: For $40, you too can enjoy the mountains, forests, waters, and trails of the Appalachian region. Actually, what you can do is read the outdoorsy magazine that will start showing up in the mail and maybe go to a few environmental themed socials. The AMC does offer a shit ton of organized outdoor activities led by… leaders, which is cool if you don’t know what you’re doing and want some guidance. Transportation isn’t provided, but detailed instructions on how to get somewhere via mass transportation is, so pack a granola bar and shut up.
NYC Day Hiking: A little more do-it-yourself, this site is great for finding a hike that suits your ability… for free! There’s this great chart that lists trails mileage, difficulty, and distance, and also tells you how to get there via mass transit, if like me, you’re car free since ‘83.
Outdoor Bound: Another pay-per, this shit seems incredibly pricey considering you’re not chartering a stretch hummer to the mountain and have to bring your own water, but then again, some of the day trips include horse back riding and other extras that gots to be paid for by someone, so… if you aren’t poor and want a well-organized fancy pants outdoor excursion, take note. I’ll be busy fucking around in my parents’ woods and jumping in the pool when I get hot, but go have fun!
If you have a car and feel like taking a drive, check out…
Ramapo River Reserve (um, the “this site may harm your computer” warning makes me feel like I’d definitely end up in something’s stomach if I were to venture to this place, but by all means… check it out. Nice knowing you.)
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